1. Your clean clothes are currently in the dryer and will remain there for the next few weeks, only being taken out piece by piece, as they are needed.
2. You’ve sat through terrible movies and awful television because the remote was on the table across from you.
3. You’re perfectly capable of walking but you’ll drive around a parking lot for 20 minutes if it means getting a decent parking spot.
4. Upon entering the store, you make eyes and salivate at those motorized chairs. If it weren’t for the fact that people would judge; you’d absolutely shop on one of those bad boys.
5. You’ve waited for a backed up escalator when there’s a fully functional set of stairs right next to it.
6. Haircuts are few and far between – not because money is an issue, but using energy on body maintenance isn’t something you’re willing to consistently do.
7. You let serious stuff slide because you don’t want to deal with the lengthy problem resolution. Did they just rear-end my car? Oh well, I don’t feel like exchanging insurance info and all that mess – I’m sure you can barely see the broken tail lights and bumper damage.
8. Holding pee. And holding it, and holding it, and holding it until you absolutely have to go before you wet yourself or earn a serious UTI.
9. The mailman has to hand deliver your overflowing stack of envelopes and papers to your door because you only check it when you ordered something off Amazon.
10. You text and call people who are ten feet away in the next room.
11. When prior engagements are cancelled and you’re secretly ecstatic.
12. You do things like drink out of bowls or eat pasta with spoons because taking a moment to wash some dirty dishes is absurd.
13. You type slowly, with one finger at a time because your other hand is currently busy being comfortable and idle in its position.
14. You don’t respond to a text because it might result in a full blown text-versation that would require you to type and send stuff back and junk.
15. You eat cold food that has no business being eaten in any temperature cooler than the room. You do this because standing 30 seconds while it heats in the microwave seems like hard work.
16. You do microwave something but you hit 1:11 because it’s easier than pressing 1:00.
17. When people post the numbers they found relatable in the comments, you’ll be too lazy to scroll back up and see which one they’re referring to.
18. You’re 2 minutes late for something so you convince yourself that it’d just be better to skip it entirely.
19. You hope that karma is a real thing because you don’t have the energy to get revenge on wrongdoers.
20. On cleaning days you contribute by lifting up your feet so someone can vacuum under you.
21-25. You use stale tactics and lame shortcuts to finish things.
Jewel Mornings with Denyse Sibley